After all these years of exploring the dynamics of families and business, what I’ve learned in family business is that most of it is grounded in sound parenting. The task of parenting is to raise responsible adults who have high self-esteem and who can function independently. In return, acceptance in the family is unconditional; we unconditionally love our children.

On the other side, the task of business is one thing: to generate profit. If you don’t generate profit, you’re not in business. Acceptance in business is based on competence, the ability to develop skills, and to produce and perform. If you cannot produce and perform, you don’t belong in family business.

Combining the dynamics of family and business often creates conflicting messages, causing a family to confuse the tasks and try to use the business for what they should be doing in the family—this is perhaps the biggest mistake families in business can make. Having and maintaining clarity between tasks in the family versus tasks in the business is the most fundamental piece of building a smooth-running platform for success.

Perhaps the most common problem in family business relationships occurs when there is a conflict between two family members, and one or both then involve a third family member, saying something like, “Do you know what Charles did to me?”

The third person should resist getting caught in the middle. If this happens to you, establish a boundary by saying something such as, “I’m really sorry he did that to you, but you know, you’re going to have to work that out with Charles.” This will save many headaches!

*This is the eleventh post in a series of 11 on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.

Families in business are notorious for their togetherness. But it’s essential to respect one another’s individual privacy, as well as the privacy of each family unit within your extended family.

If one family member steps over the line in asking you about personal concerns, it’s OK to say, “That’s a private matter.” Remembering this, and being conscious about respecting others’ privacy, will go far toward maintaining positive relationships, at work and at home.

*This is the tenth post in a series of 11 on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.

Family members who stay connected assist and support one another, especially during times of grief, loss, pain and shame. Even if you don’t like something a family member has done, you can still be supportive of that person. Families that run from the family member who’s having trouble don’t stay together.

*This is the ninth post in a series of 11 on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.

If you don’t have mutual respect for someone, you can’t do business together. This is a simple and ironclad rule.

Mutual respect is built on the trust that comes from knowing you can depend on other family members, and they can depend of you.

*This is the eighth post in a series of 11 on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.

Genuine caring means openly expressing feelings of concern for other family members. One way to let others know you care is to give them your undivided attention from time to time. That’s the best gift you can give to a family member. Taking time to write a postcard, give a family member a call or have a cup of coffee together can mean so much to that person. And you’ll likely find that it’s valuable for you, too.

*This is the seventh post in a series of 11 on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.

You can’t talk about business all the time. Essentially, families that play together stay together. Taking time to have fun together is like putting money into the bank in terms of your relationships with family members. When times are tough, you can draw on the currency. The enjoyable times can help family members sustain their relationships when there are differences.

*This is the sixth post in a series of 11 on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.

The family that is open to new ideas and approaches is one that can solve virtually any problem.

I worked with a family where there were three married daughters in the second generation and nine young cousins in the third generation. I encouraged the cousins to form a “cousin’s council” and to initiate a “learn and grow” process. Under this process, the family had meetings and brought in marine biologists, anthropologists, archaeologists and others, just so they could learn something different together.

When faced with a personal tragedy and the potential sale of the business, the cousins were able to band together and prevent old conflicts between two of the sisters from tearing the business apart.

The cousins were able to find a reasonable, rational solution because they had learned and grown together.

*This is the fifth post in a series on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.

In my family, we grew up liking cranberry sauce on top of pumpkin pie, because our father liked it. It’s an extraordinary combination! Each year on Thanksgiving, we continue our family tradition of enjoying this dessert as we sit around the table and tell stories about my father. There typically isn’t a dry eye at the table!

It’s important to renew your family traditions because they keep a family bonded together.

*This is the fourth post in a series on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.

Shared power is not the same as equal power. The idea of shared power means respecting one another’s talents and abilities across generations, between spouses and among siblings. If one family member has a strong grasp of financial matters and another has the best operating insight, then each should defer to the other in their area of expertise. This is the best practice for the success of the business and also creates an environment where family members/employees are encouraged to offer the best of themselves.

*This is the third post in a series on The Ten Keys to Success in Family Business.